So as much chemistry as Josh Brolin and Kate Winslet have in “Labor Day,” and how wonderful their romance looked … come on. The guy escapes prison, kidnaps a woman and her 13-year-old son, and mere hours later they’re looking lovingly at each other while mashing fruit for a pie? Most mothers would have sliced his throat, grabbed their kid and run away screaming at their first opportunity. That love connection now joins the ranks of the most improbable romances in film history (not including “Howard the Duck,” which was too horrible to even contemplate). Here’s five that come to mind:
5. Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) and Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman) in “Star Wars,” Episodes 1-3: Right — this is the easiest one ever. She was a queen and a galactic senator, he was an annoying little slave-kid who grew into an even more annoying young man who took a vow of celibacy. The chemistry between them was awful (she deserved an Oscar for not laughing during his “I hate sand” speech) but even if these roles were played by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, there’s just no way.
4. Billy Madison (Adam Sandler) and Veronica Vaughn (Bridgette Wilson) in “Billy Madison”: She was an incredibly beautiful, kindhearted schoolteacher. He was a temperamental, undereducated idiot with mood swings motivated by money. Oh yeah, happens all the time.
3. Movies in which Ben Affleck converts lesbians into heterosexual women: One was good “Chasing Amy,” one was unspeakably bad “Gigli.” Either way, why does this guy think he’s that special?
2. Ben Stone (Seth Rogen) and Alison Scott (Katherine Heigl) in “Knocked Up”: Good movie, but he’s an overweight slacker with a tremendous amount of body hair, while she’s a beautiful woman with a promising television career. OK, people drink too much and sometimes pregnancies result. But the thought of these two actually staying together is beyond silly.
1. Harold (Bud Cort) and Maude (Ruth Gordon) in “Harold and Maude:” A wonderfully sweet movie with life lessons. But even as eccentric as its characters are supposed to be … really?