Some of the people I care about most in this world struggle with addiction. They are sweet and kindhearted. They are loveable and funny. They have hopes and dreams just like you and me, but for some reason, their lives are compromised by an addiction that seems to take hold of them and cause them to behave in ways very unlike their true selves. At times it breaks my heart to see them self-destruct. Sometimes, I think if we could just expose the lies that perpetuate the addiction, the truth would help them break free from these life controlling issues. Here are a few of the lies I have heard repeatedly from many different sources, from many different addictions. May they shine a light on someone’s heart and offer a bit of hope.
The first lie is this; ‘You will never change.’ If a person believes that there is no point in making an effort to defeat his addiction, he will never even begin trying to do that. The truth is that breaking addictive patterns in our lives requires a great deal of discipline and hard work and even then, if the root of the issue remains undealt with, the progress is often compromised by relapse. That’s why this lie in a why has a hint of truth mixed in, because in your own strength you really can’t change yourself. That’s why I believe real freedom from addiction begins with a total surrender to Christ and a daily surrender of one’s own will. (That is Step #3 of the 12 steps, by the way). Trying to change on your own may set you up for failure, but a willingness to work hard and seek God makes change not only possible, but very achievable. So don’t give up hope. You can change.
Another lie is ‘Nobody cares anyway.’ This is obviously false, yet often embraced by those in addiction. There are good reasons that addicts become convinced that no one cares about them. Sometimes it has to do with their destructive lifestyle. As addicts make choices that impact their loved ones, family members and friends often wash their hands in frustration and desperation. Having been dragged into relationship drama, financial problems and sometimes legal matters, very often there comes a moment when they can endure no more and they cut ties. This does not mean they no longer care, but that they are choosing to distance themselves for their own well-being. That is difficult to explain to an addict, and in their isolation they feel justified in amping up their destructive behaviors without making the connection that this is the very thing that drove away those who care the most. Tragic for sure.
One of the biggest lies is ‘I can handle it.’ No you can’t. You can’t manage your life when you are tangled up in substance abuse or dysfunctional relationships. You can’t think clearly when you are altering your state of mind and you don’t make wise decisions about how you spend your resources when you are driven to please the unhealthy people around you. Addicts think they are handling their addiction when really the addiction is handling them. Round and round they go on the carousel of no progress, shifting blame, rationalizing and escaping. Out of control and desperate, they find comfort in the familiar and repeat the age old mistakes even when they understand that it is killing them.
These are just a few of the lies that keep a person bound up in the shackles of addiction. Sometimes these addictions are easy to see because they are substance abuse and quickly destructive. Some addictions are harder to identify like codependency and antisocial tendencies. We can become addicted to things that are in themselves good, such as food or electronics, yet when skewed out of appropriate balance they too become unhealthy and damaging. It would behoove each of us to have the courage to examine our lives and ask God to reveal if there is even one substance, one relationship, one issue that has become an addiction to us. If you think that has occurred, look at these lies and see if they are playing into the process for you. Then get some help. Pray. Talk to a counselor. Call a trusted friend. You can change. Somebody cares. You don’t have to do this alone.
