Years ago, as a communications professional in the corporate world, I remember when my colleagues were honored for a decade or more of service. In a world where attention spans are gradually diminishing, doing anything constructive for 10 years can be considered quite an accomplishment. It illustrates responsibility, commitment and consistency. This is especially true for marriages. Milestone anniversaries are often celebrated with parties or vacations to commemorate a bond that is sacred.
We have a special family tradition each summer because the Independence Day holiday coincides with our oldest child’s birthday. This year will be particularly important because it marks a milestone for us too – 10 years as parents!
Of course there’s no leaving this job for another or calling it quits when things get tough. A lot has happened since I became a mom in 2005. It’s been a journey that’s included learning, love and listening while doing my best to be a good parent.
My daughter’s upcoming birthday is making me consider my younger parent self, full of hope, curiosity and concern. If time travel were possible, I’d cruise back to 2005 with some words of wisdom for myself and my husband.
The following are some pieces of advice I wish I had when I first became a mom:
* Sleep tight – New parents you will likely be told about a variety of methods to get your child to take naps and sleep through the night. It may be one of your biggest concerns in those early weeks. In fact, everywhere I went as a new parent I was asked: “How does she sleep?” It’s a ridiculous question because babies aren’t designed to sleep for extended stretches because they’re wired to feed at regular intervals. Yet somehow we’re pressured into believing that our parenting skills, or lack thereof, are directly correlated to our child’s sleeping patterns. Every baby is different. Every child is different. Barring any serious health or feeding concerns, your child will eventually sleep through the night. As a mom to this big kid, I’m now amazed at how much she seems to sleep. Time changes everything.
* Growth is not a race – A child’s developmental achievements can be so much fun to witness. First there’s a smile, then a roll over and soon after your baby will be able to sit up unassisted. These are fun, photographable moments that new parents should enjoy. Don’t get caught up worrying about how old your baby is when she finally figures out these new tricks, unless the pediatrician suggests there’s a reason to be concerned.
* Keep calm and embrace your child’s unique personality – Babies are born with their own personalities, which makes leafing through all those well-meaning parenting books sometimes useless. Imagine one book to help you figure out all of the interesting characters you’ve met through the course of your lifetime? It’s not likely, and neither is searching for a solution to what may ultimately be part of your child’s distinctive personality.
* Trust your gut – If you’re parenting in a way that defies your own level of logic and reasoning, why are you doing it? It physically turned my stomach when my baby cried for more than a few minutes. A baby’s constant cries can be very draining for any parent, so it’s important to take a break and ask for help sometimes. But I never felt justified letting one of my babies cry it out. In my opinion, a baby cries to be consoled, prior to developing the language skills that allow him or her to articulate feelings, fears or pains.
* Break the rules – Routines and schedules are important ways we teach babies and young children about how the world works. But sometimes it’s fun to sit up late with the kids or eat candy in bed without fretting that it’s a big deviation from the day-to-day parenting plan. Life is short, and these special moments often make the happiest of memories.
This week, when we’re celebrating with cake and fireworks, I’ll be reminiscing about all those moments when I really had no clue. The imperfections in these years have helped me carve a parenting path I’m proud to reflect upon. We should all rest easy knowing that the love we give far exceeds any parenting advice we’ll receive.
Julia Sherwin is the host of “Perspectives on Parenting with Julia Sherwin,” which airs on Mondays at 1 p.m. on WCHE 1520 a.m. You can send her your parenting questions at parentingwithjuliasherwin@gmail.com, or connect with her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/perspectiveonparenting or on Twitter @JuliaSherwinPoP.
