No this is not a Jeopardy category. It’s just something I have been contemplating lately. You and I are surrounded by hurting people. Everywhere we go we encounter people who are struggling to overcame deep personal pain from one source or another and we are seldom aware of this. Many of these hurting people set off a domino effect of difficulty in their lives when they find it a challenge to get past these wounds. So just coming from a place of observation, here are some things that become hard to do when you are hurting.
When you are hurting it’s hard to stop reliving the incident. It’s like a video tape keeps playing over and over and over in your brain. When you’re awake, when you’re asleep, when you’re minding your own business the scene of the event that created the hurt will often replay with relentless torture. Often the drama and intensity of the situation are both accentuated and exaggerated when this occurs. This makes it much harder to forgive the offender because the more you dwell on the event the deeper the hurt pierces your heart.
When you are hurting it’s hard to imagine a resolution to the problem. All you can see is the fight. All you can hear are the words in your ear that broke your spirit. All you can taste are the tears that flowed in the dark loneliness of the night. There is no sunny outlook or hopeful future. You can even convince yourself that things are only going to get worse or at least they will never change.
When you are hurting it’s hard to see your part in the situation. There may be elements over which you had no control and indeed these are not within your control, but generally speaking when a conflict occurs, there is an element of mutuality. Sometimes your part is your attitude or your reaction or your bitterness, but somewhere in the mess, there is something you can take responsibility for.
When you are hurting it’s hard to trust. Especially if you have been hurt more than once by the same person. You begin to build emotional walls to protect yourself. These walls often do not just keep out the offender, but other potentially positive people as well. It’s a survival instinct but it still hinders your healing process. You stay stuck in the hurt and then rejection and isolation create new hurts and this triggers a vicious cycle.
I hope that if you are struggling with a hurt of some kind you will reach out to talk to someone who can help you find the strength to overcome this incident. I hope you will begin to turn off the video, stir up hope for the future, take responsibility for your part and trust someone enough to begin the healing journey. You can do it. You don’t need to stay locked in a prison of emotional pain. You can be set free.