I’m writing this column before the next ubiquitous holiday, though you will be reading it after it has already passed. I am referring to Valentine’s Day of course although I tend to be a bit cynical about the various ways in which people are supposedly encouraged to celebrate this random calendar date. I realize that advertising geniuses are paid to capitalize on anything and everything to entice folks to purchase whatever it is they are peddling. Still, some of the products and services that are promoted to the masses in the name of celebrating Valentine’s Day simply make me say, “Really?”
The obvious gift choices that are clearly aimed at the gentlemen to buy their ladies include things like chocolates, jewelry, dinner and flowers. These are pretty standard and predictable but at least they make sense given the pretense behind the occasion which is ostensibly to lavish your affection on your wife or girlfriend. It is the hundreds of other somewhat random items that leave me puzzled as to how they could remotely express any devotion, tenderness or care upon their receipt. Here are just a few of these curious ad campaigns to illustrate my confusion.
How about naming a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach after your babe? That’s a sure romance booster if ever there was one. But I did not make this up, you can pay actual money to supposedly name a cockroach after someone you love for Valentine’s Day and they will receive a certificate in their honor for you to present. Before you go this route, maybe you just want to think again.
How about hand crafted jewelry made from real human hair and teeth? Completely organic I suppose, these items are truly one of a kind statement pieces made by an artisan in Australia who uses donated materials, but if you provide your own personal teeth and hair, you will get a discounted rate. Before you yank out your incisors so your girl can wear them around her neck, maybe you just want to think again.
And finally for those of you who are still waiting for love and want to get your nosy family members off your backs, you can subscribe to an app that pretends to be your girlfriend or boyfriend by sending you fake text messages, leaving voice messages on the answering machine and even one hand written postcard each month for only twenty five bucks. Maybe you just want to think again, and spend that money on some therapy instead.
I may just be a skeptical old fashioned girl, but none of these things seems appropriate for Valentine’s Day purposes. Redbox a movie, pop a bag of popcorn and fall asleep together on the couch. Easy on the budget and authentic quality time – that’s the perfect date night for any weekend, all year long.
