Dear Readers: If you read last week’s column entitled “The Right One? Part I,” it stands to reason you would expect to see Part II this week. However, something has been brought to my attention within the last 24 hours of this writing that I feel I must discuss with you. If you are alert, you realize most of my stories are based on truth; I try to insert some levity (what gives me a chuckle may not give you one), and I’m not afraid to poke fun at myself (I think I am pretty good at that). However, this week’s article is solely based on truth and is very serious! Please remember, if you, as a reader, are seminary trained, you could elaborate to the umpteenth degree as to what I am going to say. What I’m saying comes from the heart.
“I_____, take you, _____, to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy law, and this is my solemn vow” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_vows). The preceding lines are an example of the vows a couple exchanges during a wedding ceremony, usually as they are coached by the wedding officiant clause by clause.
Why, after taking the above vow, do first time marriages end in divorce somewhere around 40 to 50 percent of the time? The Internet will give you the top eight or so reasons for divorces occurring. I can only go by my “rocky road” that did not end in divorce. Both Barb and I were young (20 and 21) and immature when we married. We were starry-eyed and thought that married life would be just wonderful. When we were married I still had schooling to complete, and little did I know at that time I would be in the Army within 18 months of our marriage. If she did something that I considered wrong, I would call her stupid and the tears would flow. Our communication with each other on a scale of one to 10 was maybe a one. Oh, yes, we had plenty of good times for several years. However, after 11 years of marriage, with one son and another on the way, I felt like I no longer loved her. Now what?
Through my sister, Phyllis (as led by God), Barb came to know Jesus Christ as her personal Savior. She did not tell me (in words) about her commitment. However, over several months, she showed me by her actions and spirit and I wanted what she had. By her behavior and Phyllis once again talking with me, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. We recently celebrated our 48th wedding anniversary and I’m ready (as Barb is too) for the next 48 years.
Two factors influenced me to write this now. First, we just found out that friends of ours who have been married around 25 years are in the process of obtaining a divorce. My guess is that some of their problems are the same as ours were: communication, commitment, insecurity, headstrong, not following Biblical instructions… Which leads me to the second reason for writing this now.
The morning after hearing about the pending divorce, we studied the following instructions to wives and husbands from I Peter 3:1-7 (I have only included portions of these verses for brevity): “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (thanks Barb for applying this passage).
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
Please be careful when absorbing the above verses. Unless you are familiar with them, you may disagree with some of them. If so, I suggest you look more deeply into them and what is meant.
Both the husband and wife I refer to have placed their faith in Jesus Christ. However, like many other Christians, their marriage is in trouble. I would suggest several things if you find yourself in a similar circumstance: Don’t stew and ignore each other, communicate with each other, talk with others (a spiritual adviser, a marriage counselor, a close friend), pray, decide who you will put first (your own desires or those of your spouse), be quick to listen and slow to talk and finally, don’t measure yourself against other people but see how you measure up with I Peter: 3.
May Feb. 14 be one of the happiest Valentine’s Days of your life!
Jeff Hall, of Honey Brook, contributes columns to Berks-Mont Newspapers.
