Whatever form of love is given to a spouse, family, friends or strangers, including animals, it is one of our greatest gifts from the heart that we can give to others. It is our natural state of being. As Mother Teresa tell us, “None of us can do anything great on our own, but we can do a small thing with great love.”
The ancient Greeks have many words to describe love in its many forms, such as Pragma, Storge, Philia and more.
Pragma is the love of a married couple after a long period of making a marriage work “in sickness and in health.” Pragma is the giving of love, in many ways, by both spouses, instead of receiving.
My mother, Mary Alice (Kohler) Christman, after graduating from Kutztown High School, with her family moved to the outskirts of Macungie. Mom had a job with the Rev. Emil Fischer family, in Philadelphia. On one of her vacation days with her parents, she and her father went on a horse and buggy ride. They rode by a neighbor’s house, where there were two stars placed in the front window. During World War I, stars were placed in a window to show a son or sons were in the service. Her father said, “Mary, when these nice young twins boys return from war, I want you to meet them.” Mom agreed.
It was the summer of 1919, Mom attended a church social at Solomon’s Reformed Church, in Macungie. There she met a young man, my father, Herb, who happened to be one of the “nice young twins boys” her father wanted her to meet. Alas, Mom’s father died the month before Pop’s return from the war.
Mom and Pop “courted” a year, always chaperoned by Mom’s sister, Ellen. At some point, Pop proposed. On Nov. 13, 1920, they were married in Philadelphia, by Rev. Fischer. They were married 60 years.
Mom wanted to be a farmer’s wife, thus Pop, for the love of a woman, hired himself out on her brother’s (also a teacher) farmette, to learn the farming trade. My parents weren’t the huggy/kissy type, but showed their affection in other ways. Mom told us, when the children had bouts of chicken pox or measles, Pop, in order for her to get some sleep, got up during the night to tend to the babies. Mom and Pop had quality time and went “visiting” together. Mom, would help Pop in the fields, even though she had plenty of chores to do at home.
Indeed, after raising 10 children, my parent’s Pragma story was “in the stars.”
My next Pragma story is an Alice in Wonderland story – you might recall the gorgeous red shoes she wore. My friend, Jackie Brown, told me about her parents, Earl and Cathryn Winter: “Someone talked my father into going on a double blind date, and that he could choose which girl he wanted to be with. Upon meeting his dates, he decided on the one wearing the bright red shoes. My parents were married 47 years. Upon my mother’s death, the children decided to buy a pair of red shoes and place them on her feet for burial.” For a woman who wore red shoes, that attracted her future husband, this is indeed a beautiful Alice in Wonderland Pragma story.
Another Pragma story is about my friend, Jane, widowed some nine years, where a lawn tractor played Cupid. She needed a new lawn tractor, but preferred buying at a small, local business. At the shop, she picked out the one she felt she could handle. It was delivered and the man reviewed how it operated.
This is the rest of Jane’s story: “Soon the spring grass was high enough to mow. It started well, but when I put it in gear, with the mowing blades spinning, it only went a few feet and stalled. I tried again and again. A neighbor, seeing my predicament, came over to help. He got on the tractor, put it in gear, and it worked fine. I then got on the tractor and it stalled again and again. I then called the store.”
“The store owner, Matt, said he’d stop by on his way home and check for problems. He was able to start and drive the tractor with no problems. When I got on it, it again stalled. Matt then told me, ‘You’re too thin! There’s a safety mechanism that causes the tractor to stall if there isn’t enough weight on the seat.’ I was flattered, but that did not get my grass cut. He then ordered a replacement switch that wasn’t so sensitive. I was able to cut the grass, with a cinder block for the weight issue, until the part came and was installed.”
Jane continues: “That’s not the end of the story. In a small town everybody knows everybody. I found out Matt was widowed. After the tractor was fixed, I asked Matt to the house for dinner and our romance began. On our first Valentine’s Day, Matt send me flowers. Along with the card was a key chain, with a small tractor attached. This meant he didn’t just order the flowers by phone, but went to the florist with the key chain.” After eight years of marriage, Jane told me “the marriage is still going strong.”
My last Pragma story is about my Uncle Rob, Pop’s twin brother, whose love endured not only in health, but in sickness as well. After the war, Uncle Rob decided to better himself. He moved to his brother, Harvey, in Chicago. There he obtained work in his brother’s bakery. Three years after moving, Uncle Rob met his sweetheart, Grace. Her brother, who did the accounting at the bakery, invited Rob and others to a dance. The two fell in love and were married on April 14, 1923. Uncle Rob told me, “I educated myself. In 29 years, I was superintendent of the bakery department.”
Uncle Rob was a devoted husband throughout their 60 years of marriage. It was the last 10 years that showed his strongest faithfulness. Grace suffered memory loss (diagnosed today as Alzheimer’s disease). As she worsened, Uncle Rob had to place her in a nursing home. He told me: “In those 10 years, your Aunt Grace received 5,500 daily visits from me. If I went on a short vacation, I had a friend visit her.” I asked him why he did these daily visits if Aunt Grace didn’t even remember him? He simply responded, “Maybe she didn’t know I was there, but I knew. I know she would have done the same for me.” The love they had for each other can never be lost.
Next week, Part II will explore more ancient Greek words for love…
Carole Christman Koch grew up in Berks County and has been published in numerous publications. She has a passion for writing and has many stories from growing up on a farm to everyday stories.
