I find that diets are for people who are thick and tired of it. After the winter of 2007 I went on a whimsical diet for two weeks. All I lost was two weeks.This winter season contained a risk factor that is seldom realized. The days between New Year's Day and my April birthday are the weight gaining periods.
It's a case of, "Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may diet."
A diet is a desperate strategy for reducing your weight. It tests your strength of will but does little for your waistline.
I've read that the average adult will gain from 1 to 5 pounds during the winter period. I'd be the right weight if I was a foot taller.
It seems to be an established medical fact that weight gain is a reality, but fewer than 10 percent gain more than an extra 5 pounds over the winter
We spend half our money on food and drink-the other half on diets trying to lose the ounces. If it tastes good, maybe it is trying to kill you. (Burp.) At my age a few belches are expected and tolerated.
I read an article that a noted health institute says: It's unfortunate that most people never lose the weight gained, so the fat builds up year after year. (Tell me about it!) Why is it that a two pound box of chocolate candy makes me gain 5 pounds?
I'm told that men and women have different stages in life when we are at high risk of permanent weight increase. Men after marriage, and middle age. Women after pregnancy, and the time between youth and (stretching the truth) old age.
We almost all gain around the middle (and the derriere) with age, albeit slowly. Why is it that fat distributes itself mostly around the stomach region? Oh well, at least it hides my other projecting prominence-the love handles.
I bought a new low-calorie diet supplement at the supermarket. It's an empty box called "Hunger Helper." It takes a lot of will power, but I gave up trying to lose weight. All a diet does is help you gain the millstone of extra pounds more easily.
The only thing that was getting thinner was my hair. I tried to put my full length mirror sideways. Somehow the darn thing fell over the chair and broke into pieces. Uh oh, seven years bad luck. What to do?
What did I do with my broken pieces? I scooped them up and dumped them in the trash can chanting, "No more dieting in 2008" three times. (and knocked on wood).
Coincidentally it was last winter that I broke my wife's hand mirror. Not a good omen.
I found that the one thing bigger than my pot and any diet, was my hunger. I'm a sore loser anyway.
Trying to lose those added pounds? "It Ain't easy." So, for the fall of '08 I won't splurge or indulge.
I bought a great new instrument for weighing myself. I put it in front of my refrigerator. It takes off 5 pounds for good intentions.
Misery is when I broke three more things: My resolutions, my diet, and my old scale. I went on the "Eat everything diet." It's for folks who are fat and want to stay that way.
Americans spent more greenbacks on diet doctors in 2007 than ever before. So much so that the doctors are getting fatter.
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!"
He put a stethoscope up to my chest. I ask him "Doc, how do I stand?"
The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"
I told him, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this."
"Then don't do that!"
I know a guy who had his doctor say "To take some weight off, go to a health club." This man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine almost tore his leg off!
He told the doctor, "My leg hurts. What can I do?"
The doctor says "Limp!"
Rx: Take a one-a-day diet pill-when you can afford it. Diet medicine made great strides in the past few years. What was fat is now "Hefty unctuously oleaginous." SURE IT IS!
Finally; I asked my doctor, "Doc, how can I get thinner?"
Rx: "Go to a paint store!" OYE!
If you survive the summer, extra pounds and all. Have a slimmer fall.
Want to share your Rx? Contact Dr. Adams through e-mail at LST281@aol.com.