Generally, from Memorial Day through Labor Day, the calendar tells us it's vacation time. It may be a trip to the Poconos, a jaunt to the Jersey Shore or camping at Knoebel's Amusement Park.
For the more adventurous, vacation destinations may include: Williamsburg, Yellowstone National Park, or a chance to visit relatives in Bowling Green, Ky.
Uncle Elver's done all of the above, except Yellowstone. We've even been to such hot spots as: Darlington, Wis.; Woodstock, Vt.; Bass Harbor, Maine; and Yarmouth, Nova Scotia.
Summertime, however, is not the best season of the year to spend in Islamorda, Orlando or Winter Haven, Fla., Galveston, Texas, or Biloxi, Miss.
Next, after you have decided upon your destination, you need to settle on what type of accommodations you want. Will it be a tent, camper, motor home, or motel room?
Here are a few one-of-a-kind hotels we found in our favorite source book, "Uncle John's Unstoppable Bathroom Reader -16th Edition."
First stop, Key Largo, Fla. There's only one way to check into Jule's Undersea Lodge, and that's by scuba diving into it. Set at a depth of five fathoms (30 feet) below the clear water off the Florida Keys, this two-bedroom facility is the only underwater hotel in the world.
As you flipper down from the surface, you will pass through schools of fish on your way to a barnacle-encrusted building, a former scientific habitat. You'll pop up into the lobby through a small pool. Compressed air pumped into the lodge keeps the sea water out.
Moments later, a "mer-porter" delivers your luggage in watertight containers.
There's a lounge with a comfy couch and a TV/VCR, but most of the guests prefer to watch sharks through the 42-inch picture windows in each bedroom.
Later, a "mer-chef" will dive down to cook and serve you a lobster dinner. There's plenty to do in this one-of-a -kind resort. For instance, you can take a stroll along the bottom of the coral lagoon. This evening adventure is enhanced by the light of millions of phosphorescent plankton. Marriage ceremonies can even be arranged if you're ready to "take the plunge," so to speak.
Most kids have had a fascination with treehouses when they were young, and if you're one of them, how would you like to spend a few nights up in one, now?
If you venture to Illinois Valley, Ore., you can literally go out on a limb with this vacation. Set deep in the woods is a "treesort" that has 14 different treehouses- some of them as high as 36 feet.
Since many of them are connected by swinging bridges and rope ladders, the resort notes that once you're aloft, you never have to set foot on the ground until you check out.
Local authorities tried to get the resort to "turn over a new leaf." Apparently, there were public concerns because some of the treehouses didn't conform to county codes. But the resort owner found a way to circumvent the laws by forming a club of "treemusketeers," and invited his fellow club members to stay there. The county finally gave up and issued a permit.
If you ever wanted to be "Bilbo Baggins," or live like a "Hobbit," then, you might want to check into the Cappadocia region of Turkey. This area is home to some of the most amazing dwellings in the world. The ancient volcanic landscape has been carved out by the wind and rain over thousands of years, and the area is dotted with curious, tall cinder cones known locally as "fairy chimneys."
Native people have been carving houses and churches out of these cone-shaped rocks for centuries. Initially, it was out of protection from marauding armies, and later, out of tradition.
Believe it or not, there are two entire cities carved underground that at one time sheltered as many as 20,000 people. One of these cave homes, "The Dream Cave," is a bed and breakfast, or should we say bedrock and breakfast. This is just one of dozens of such B&B's near the town of Goreme.
For something a little closer to home, there is a hotel that only a librarian could love. Actually, it is the Library Hotel, in New York City. Based on the Dewey Decimal System, this hotel gives each floor a topic and each room a subtopic. For example, the 12th floor is Religion, and one of the rooms is the Occult. The books in each room are arranged by topic.
Talk about curling up with a good book in your room. What happens if you're not finished with a book at the time of your check out? Can you check out the book?
Honorable mention goes to The Ice Hotel, in Lapland, Sweden, and the Walrus Islands Game Sanctuary, Round Island, Alaska. The first is a 100-room hotel with a chapel, cinema and Absolut Ice Bar, all made entirely out of ice. We bet there's some cold stares in that place!
Finally, at this Alaskan haven, $50 allows you to spend the night surrounded by 15,000 snorting male walruses. This sounds like a bachelor party gone bad.
There's always the Hotel California or the Bates Hotel for the rest of you who are adventure-minded.
Two locals were attending the funeral of a friend, and one remarked of the deceased, "Old Nels looks pretty good!" His pal replied, "He should. He just got out of the hospital!"
So, be the Good Lord willin' and the creeks don't rise, see ya next week!