So, Terrell Owens is now a Dallas Cowboy and he is receiving a whole boatload of money to play for the Boys. Good for him. However, he should consider himself lucky that I am not either the head coach or the defensive coordinator for the Philadelphia Eagles, for if I were, T.O. would be made into a permanent bobble-head doll because he would not be able to control his head any longer.
There is a certain fellow on the Eagles, by the name of Jeremiah Trotter, who thoroughly enjoys laying the wood to offensive players. If I was Trotter's coach, prior to the first game with the Cowboys I would give him one assignment: T.O. does not walk off of this field under his own power.
I wouldn't care if Trotter blew every other coverage assignment, missed every other tackle, or just plain had a terrible game, as long as he hit T.O. so hard that Owens didn't know where he was or what he was doing there.
Now I am not an idiot, so I know that T.O. is an exceptional athlete and to try and contain a player of his caliber for an entire football game without him scoring a touchdown or making a couple of big plays is nearly impossible. So T.O can have his big play/s during the game; but like I said, he wouldn't walk off the field if I were the coach.
Also, T.O. would not embarrass either my organization or my players with any of his patented end zone celebrations. The watchman whose shoulders the duty of stifling Owens' end zone antics would fall upon is Brian Dawkins. After all, I don't want to place all of the responsibility on Trotters' shoulders.
The instructions to Dawkins would be that as soon as T.O. scores, and before he even thinks about putting on some type of show, make sure that the only dance he will be doing is either on crutches or in a hospital bed.
And to finish off the ploy to make T.O. look like a newborn that cannot control his head, I would tell all of the players that the man who laid out T.O. would receive a handsome reward. Depen-ding upon the severity of the hit, the reward would be commensurate with the work.
The best outcome would be for Owens to receive a hit that is so hard that a reenactment of Ricky Watters, former Eagle running back, receiving a concussion against the Indianapolis Colts takes place.
For those who do not recall the game or the hit, I will explain. Watters was hit so hard that he attempted to get up three times, but he failed every time to achieve an upright po-sition. Oh, yeah, he was also going toward the wrong team's bench.
So in order to achieve the same outcome as produced in the Watters situation, I would have to get my team fired up and ready to hunt down T.O. During my speech I would mention to my players that the star on the Cowboys helmet makes for a good target. Following the mentioning of the star I would bellow out the battle cry for the day, "Shoot for the stars!"