With Easter no longer just a dim dot on the horizon, I’m already thinking about candy.
Memo to the Easter Bunny: This year, please bring me dark chocolate only.
One of the biggest frustrations in life is if it tastes good, it’s bad for you. And if it tastes bad, it will make you live forever.
Granted, if everything you eat tastes bad, who wants to live forever?
Which is why I worship dark chocolate so much I often sprinkle it with incense.
Dark chocolate is utterly unique — something that tastes good that actually is good for us in abundant ways. Apparently, life doesn’t always toy with us.
Indeed, dark chocolate actually is the manna of the gods, perfect for enhancing brain and heart health.
Scientists have confirmed what dark chocolate lovers already knew — the sweet treat reduces stress and improves mood.
For instance, I can be in a fouler mood than Genghis Khan, but it takes only a couple pieces of dark chocolate to transform me into Mister Rogers.
Dark chocolate also shrinks inflammation while strengthening memory and the immune system, according to a study at Loma Linda University.
I had never heard of Loma Linda University, primarily because it doesn’t have a Division I football program, but it actually exists. It is a health sciences university located coincidentally in Loma Linda, California.
Before you rush out and buy a semi-trailer truck full of dark chocolate, check the fine print, because the fine print is notorious for making everyone as nimble as a dairy cow.
The select types of dark chocolate are only truly beneficial if they're rich in cacao —made with at least 70 percent — and made with organic cane sugar, according to the research presented at the Experimental Biology 2018 summit in San Diego.
The study found that the higher the concentration of cacao, the more positive the impact on cognition, memory, mood, immunity and other beneficial effects such as lowering high blood pressure and blood sugar.
I find that dark chocolate can lower blood sugar to be astonishing. God bless my sweet tooth. Dark chocolate reduces insulin resistance. There must be a God!
Indeed, dark chocolate also enhances neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to form new connections within itself, neural synchrony and the ability to learn, process and retain new information.
Nobody who eats dark chocolate is an idiot.
Evidently, dark chocolate does everything but teach you how to tap dance in top hat, white tie and tails.
Heaven can’t be any better than this.
I’m keeping my fingers, toes and eyes crossed that the wizards at Loma Linda University find that potato chips prevent strokes and alcohol cleanses your liver.
Mike Zielinski, a resident of Berks County, is a columnist, novelist, playwright and screenwriter.